in america.

in case you don't already know, i am back in dallas. i got in late tuesday night after a long day of delayed flights and missed connections. 

it has been great to be home so far. i've gotten to do laundry at home, eat good mexican food, and flush toilet paper down the toilet... little things that you take for granted until you don't have them for six months. 

so glad to be back! 

morgan elena stallings.

i have literally been trying to upload photos to this thing for two days. i've finally given up, so now this post is not only two days late but also pictureless. i blame it on the third world. luckily, she deserves her own post any day of the year and not just on her birthday...

over the past six and a half years, morgan (also known as gans, djganner, morghanne, morgie-poo) has become one of my favorite people to be around and one of my best friends. i met her over six years ago on bid day (i think... it was sometime around then). although i am fuzzy on the exact day, i remember one thing clearly: i immediately like her. she was easy to talk to and a lot of fun. that has not changed. 

throughout college i enjoyed attending countless date parties with her, living next door to her in the chi-o house, and taking the occasional SB trip to destin. she always brought the party... trucker hat on head and diet coke in hand. i also loved how people would always mistake her for that jcrew model. i love the memories i have of her from college. 

but i am most thankful for the past few years we've had... the dallas years. by nothing other than providence, we both moved to dallas after graduation, and instantly became what we like to call "DBs." in the sometimes rough post-college/pre-ready-to-be-an-adult phase, morgan was always there for me. i was always amazed by her ability to work long hours, then come out in her work clothes, and then go do YL stuff for a few hours. and by her ability to drive a standard while texting. she's pretty hard-core. 

i'll never forget our countless roadtrips, living room dance parties, OTH marathons or the time i made you sing to me on the beach. in the words of fall out boy: thanks for the memories. 

 you are the best, morgan. lovies. gypsies fuh life. 

"never shall i forget the days i spent with you. continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."    --beethoven

for my sister, on her birthday.

my sister has been, without a doubt, one of the most influential people in my life. to quote my good friend jane completely out of context, "it is a truth universally acknowleged" that growing up with an older sister has a profound effect on a girl. 

i'll start from the beginning. our history is kind of funny. kerri was the model baby. not only was she born with good hair and a mild temper, she was literally a baby model. at age 2, i think. and as i imagine it, she basked in all her 4 and 1/2 years of only-child glory. 

enter: me. now, i don't really remember the early years, but as I'm told, Kerri was highly disappointed with my arrival. always good-natured, she liked the thought of my coming, but later complained that all i did was "poop and cry." 

i can't blame her. she was the first child, and the first grandchild - an experience that could only reinforce that to someone so young and influencial that she is, in fact, the shiz. then, with no one consulting her first, comes a crying, screaming, demanding baby. 

i'm afraid the following years didn't improve the situation much. i think it was at the age of 3 when i realized that i liked the spotlight. and that i caused a lot of trouble. and that i wanted to be just like paula abdul. and that i liked to make my sister make up dances to amy grant songs and teach them to me. 

i have no excuses. 

but she soon learned, and it wasn't long before she was saying, "hey, crawl through this gutter and we'll be right behind you!" only for me to look back and see no one. 

but enough about that. what i really wanted to say was thanks - to my sister, that is - for putting up with me for all those years.  thank you, for so may things: 

thank you for feathering by bangs everyday for kindergarten. who knows how i would have turned out without some decent feathered bangs. 

thanks for pushing play on the tape player all those times i demanded the family to watch me perform. and thanks for choosing quality music including wilson philips and ace of base. 

thanks for setting a fashion example by shopping at gap from the age of 12. 

thanks for keeping your room clean because it was easier for mom and dad to deal with just 1 completely out-of-control bedroom. 

thanks for getting your own phone line when you were 15, and letting me use it when I was 11. because we know i needed it.  

thanks for helping me set up my first email and IM account. I owe my middle school social life to you. 

thanks for letting me rollerblade with you and your friends when you were in high school and i was just an 8th grader. that must have been annoying. 

thanks for always supporting and loving me, no matter what kind of shananigans i was into. 

thanks for always bringing some perspective and making me laugh, when my type-a perfectionism got the best of me.  

thank you, most of all, for loving and following christ with your whole heart, and showing me how to do the same. you are the best sister. 

all of this to say... 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! last year of your twenties! woooooo!

"children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply."

-jane austen, mansfield park

this time of year.

first, i apologize for my absence from the blog (as well as for pissing morgan off - see comment on previous post. i'm sorry dear. this post is for you). while things have slowed down a bit here, the lack of updates has not been so much because of inactivity here (i still need to update on my trip to the jungle and melissa's visit), but more so because i've had so many different thoughts in my head the past month or so, and i don't know where or how to begin expressing them in pixel. 

the month of november marked month 5 of my time here. it was a tough one, but also full of saving graces. in november, the ache of missing people reached new places. the luster of all this adventure began to fade and i noticed more and more the inefficiencies and annoyances of living in a third-world country. i started to feel a little resentment in my chest as i thought about missing engagements, birthdays, baby showers and funerals these past few months. my heart had already gone back to Texas. 

on november 23, i noted in my journal that the concept of home seemed so distant. the holidays were approaching and i was missing home, or more accurately, the people who are there. three days later, a great friend arrived to spend thanksgiving here, bringing a piece of home (and pumpkin!) with her. it was just what i needed, and suddenly i realized how much i had to be thankful for. 

and now this season of advent seems so appropriate. it is a season of waiting, of anticipation, and of hope - the exact feelings i have in relation to my return. just the thought of it makes me smile. 

So here's to the waiting that brings hope, and the hope that brings life.  

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, 

For love would be the love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith

But with the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting. 

Wait without thought, for you are not ready for though: 

So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing. 

- T.S. Eliot